some new pieces

So here are the newest pics of my newest work. They're not quite finished yet, need a bit of trimming and the like but these images give a pretty good idea of the pieces!



So I have replaced the view out the window with a past view out of the window. I actually think I prefer the one that looks transparent in places because it almost looks as though you can see right through in places. I've also inclded the pic with the image of the folders in front of the window in front of the window (hehe), but Im not sure how I feel about it yet. Im currently working on another version of that too, where the image includes more of the representation.
Once I get these cleaned up and am ready to re-photograph them Ill photograph them in different lighting and at different times of the day.
Also, be on the look out for shots of my installation which I plan to put up as soon as I put it together again (it got ripped down and lost!) and re-photograph it also.
sure tis all-go in Amyland!

trying to work out my thesis! Part 1

ok, if you plan on reading this, be prepared for some word vomit!
ok...so it's about Charlie Kaufman's movies. Its about Roland Barthes theories and Theodore Adrnos theories. And these are? In Barthes I am interested in his theories on readerly and writerly texts. he says there are 2 types of text/work; readerly is where the reader passively reads/receives the message of the author/text and writerly is where the text is more ambiguous and the reader must 'write' the text to complete the story. This way there is no solid meaning to the text as each 'writer' (not author) 'writes' the text differently. Are Kaufman's texts readerly or writerly? well they are definitely ambiguous but does everyone interpret a different story or basically the same one? Also in relation to Barthes the notion of the death of the author and the idea that the author should not be visible in the text, or else there will not be space for the reader/writer. particularly interesting in relation to Adaptation in which Charlie Kaufman literally wrote himself into the script. The main character IS Charlie Kaufman, the screenwriter.
Theodore Adorno. I am particularly interested in his theory of the culture industry. How the Inustry creates the popular culture that the audience will come to desire, not the other way around. Is Kaufman part of the industry or the culture. He certainly isnt writing main stream hollywood movies, but do his movies create a popular culture, or do they give a culture what they want to see? In relation to his theories on fun and pleasure (that true pleasure comes from being challenged and therefore we must work to enjoy ourselves, passive entertainment isnt real enjoyment) do we work for Kaufmans movies? Do we trully enjooy them. Intertextuality is also something Ive been aware of...the idea that the author doesnt exist...a text/work is simply a mesh of quotes the author has digested and regurgitated.
so a thesis should be a question or argument, and it should be coherent. What is my question/argument, and what do I have to do to write a coherent thesis?
ook, the truth? I dont know how relevant all of the above really is. I keep changing my mind about this thing. Some days I use Barthes and Adorno to investigate the relationship between the author and the viewer, and some days Im thinking about truth in art. Today, Im thinking about truth in art. Essentially I think there must be an essence of truth for me to be able to call something art, and that is why I so easily call Kaufman's movies art. The truth is so apparent in the way he constantly reuses his own life in his movies. I dont think it would be unfair to say all his lead characters are mostly made up of Charlie himself. You can see what he reads in his use of quotes. You can tell what hes thinking about bby his themes-memory, relationships, fear, identity etc. These arent just entertaining stories, they are his explorations of concepts. He is the most important element...until he gives it away to the audience. And how important are they? Really, how much can the audience ever really be involved? I actually dont think of these texts as writerly as such anymore. They are ambiguous in a different way. They dont make me feel like I am writing the text, but certainly I could never watch a Kaufman movie without self-reflecting and becoming completely consumed by the similarities between the on-screen turmoils and my own. Oh god...I need to pull a thesis out of this mess!!!
I am definitely interested in the author, the viewer, and the truth element. i need a question or argument. The truth element is essentially the same as the author, it literally is the involvement of the author's self, and not the suppression of self in order to give someone else what they (in this case production companies) what they want.
Right, am I writing about the relationship between the author and the viewer? That sounds quite interesting actually. ya know what...maybe my first problem was adamantly deciding to write about the Kaufman movies instead of realising that I should just be using them to illustrate a point. maybe not even use them at all. this is definitely a problem, but Im sure there are lots more! ugh!
the involvement of the author and viewer?
maybe i should have spent a lot more time looking at the opposite of a charlie kaufman movie, like typical hollywood blockbuster. and maybe i should have been reading books like the one about sitbackward culture and sit forward culture? so many maybes its distressing!
ok, how do I write my thesis legitimately using only Kaufman movies? i really walked myself into a corner on this one!
ok so I love his films, but thats really only good for an analysis of them. I need to think about what Im interested in. Right now I am very interested in the element of truth in art. HUGE topic, and I dont have time to go and start doing new research. I an very interested in what Adorno says about pleasure being challenging. you have to work at something to really enjoy it. And ya im definitely still interested in Barthes theories of the author, but maybe not to the same extent. maybe i should take a break from this and go through some of my notes.

Ok, maybe I should explain.

Plus, I have to write an artists statement and get my head around this stuff for Monday(it's my turn to have a group crit/installation thingy!).

Ok, so for me my new work is talking about, or at least attempting to talk about, a lot of different things. Possibly the most important thing to say first is that it is about photography. I realise I have some problems with photography and this new project considers that.
Essentially what I am doing is replacing objects or moments with a photograph (or collection of photographs) of that object or moment. I am trying to reference the ideas about photographs as documents, as memories, as memento mori, as representations and re-presentations, as art. I am uncomfortable with a lot of the roles photography performs, and am interested in what it really means to take and show a photograph, and to look at a photograph. I suppose I am trying to out photography by putting photograph back into the context they were taken from, rephotographing them, and this time putting them in the context of art, where they can be explored and their mystery unraveled. The main influences on these works without a doubt are my understandings of David Hockney's views of perception and conception in his photocollages, and my misunderstanding of Magritte's paintings as conceptual works more than surreal works.

A big question hanging over the work at the moment is how important is it to be technically accurate. Originally perfection was my intention, I just didnt realise how difficult that would be. And I really liked the first failures! But it defintely needs to be considered because different things happen in each type of image. For instance, a technically perfect image might look real. ie, not like photography, maybe with a hint that something is off. Less perfect scales and colours tend to look more visually appealing, but perhaps then the viewer is more confused by what it is I am trying to do. More experimentation is the way to resolve this.

Another issue is the content. I have to be aware that the things I photograph have meanings of their own that will naturally become relevant, and find a balance between seeking out appropriate things and photographing more bland(?) things so the content doesn't overpower the subject.

I know I have loads more to say but since nothing more is coming to my head Ill leave with this for now, and perhaps add additional comments later.
I guess the work is pretty conceptual, but it's also a lot of fun! It's becoming more and more tongue-in-cheek as I realise I can purposefully replace things incorrectly, for instance the male and female images on a bathroom door. There seems to be lots that can happen with this and for the moment I am enjoying getting carried away. There will be plenty of time for pinning it down soon enough.

I've started making things.

These are kind of like random exercises, but I like them!

woodman, magritte and existentialism save my practise???

hello hello!
Update- the thesis seems to be going grand although I somehow didnt realise Im still way behind on the reading, but Im sure Ill manage...going to try and get a draft of chapter 2 ready for wednesday (would LOVE to get it out of the way this weekend!), but it will need a lot of editing once I get more reading in!
Studio- not looking so good! Made a shoddy attempt to get my thinking back on track before my progress review, but all it proved was how unsettled I actually am. REALLY need tutorials, but completely avoiding them as I have very little to say! Also, quite worried they'd end up more like therapy time than art tutorials! Basically in my reviews they were somewhat aware of how little work I had to show, and it was mentioned that Ive been in this position of feeling like I cant make work before, more than once, and that proves I can in fact overcome it. I have before. I just need to start. The usual really. There was more, but my memory of it is very on/off.
So Ive decided to focus my research really narrowly to avoid my usual scatteredness. I am looking only at Francesca Woodman, Rene Magritte and Existentialism (not forgetting my thesis research- Roland Barthes, Theodor Adorno, and Charlie Kaufman). Today was a good day, if very late coming. Im scared to write down my thoughts in case I begin to hate them again, as that seems to be a recurring series of events with me, but here goes. Im thinking about representation and reality in a more accessible way. Literally replacing or covering 'things' in their representation. Photographic representation probably. but not necessarily realist photography. Im not really sure yet, but I really want to be able to start it very soon. I should really start tomorrow. It should be easy enough to start by photographing photographs as they cover the thing they represent, and see where that takes me. One of the starting points for this idea is the cover type thing 'they' have started placing on buildings during renovations, the ones that 'represent' or pictorialise the building in a slightly animated way. Perhaps I can start to play with these representations and start to use 'absurd' representations! fun! I will also think about using representations that arent photographic, realistic or maybe even pictorial. Uh, I could pixelate the images!!! exciting. I have obviously also started thinking about doing this with the human body. Actually paintings by magritte such as 'Philosophy in the Boudoir' also helped create the original ideas. It reminded me of what I was trying to do with the skin clothes last year, and I really liked it. last year I also tried life drawing straight onto body casts, which is also somewhat similar! Ive a lot of thinking to do yet about this in particular in relation to the body/identity ones, but hopefully Ill soon start! Whoop Whoop!
Note: The reason for existentialism is that it keeps comingup as one of my main interests, in the thesis, in Woodmans and in Magrittes, and just inlife. At its most basic I am interested in the fact that we exist at all and that is what I want to look at, and now I am! (If its not clear the reason for Magritte is because I have always been fascinated by paintings like 'The Human Condition', 'This is not a Pipe', and 'The Key of Dreams'. Also, as a surrealist he brings insights to Woodmans work, and sure did I need to say more after 'the human condition'!

Philosophy Forum

Wow...today has been a series of strange experiences in an ordinary day!
Somehow today i stumbled across a philosophy forum, and decided to join in order to be able to read everything etc. Somehow though I felt it necessary to comment on a post that claimed art is useless and unimportant. And my comment got a response. It feels very strange to openly, in front of a world of philosophy enthuasiasts to be having a conversation about anything, least of all what feel like a conversation oof my ideas. At first it felt great, jamalrobreplied argeeing with sone of what I had said, and also raising some issues I had not considered in my argument. I agreed with him on my mistakes, and short of one last, slightly thought through point I decided to leave it there. However, he did reply again. Part of this was a quote from Oscar Wilde, a lot of which I disagreed with. This is where I really began to feel the strange situation I had gotten myself into. I almost continued to disagree with Oscar Wilde online in front of a community of philosophy enthuasiasts! What was I thinking! I was so far out of my depth it was incredible. Yet I really wanted to humbly put forward my points along with a discreditor acknowledging my own lack of education. ?!?!?!?!
Somehow I went to wondering if I had started to become part of a community and could have my opinions heard and respected (I know this is ridiculous considering my lack of knowledge of philosophy), to feeling completely out of my depth, yet there is always the possibility that any number of the other users are on a similar level to me, beginners with (what they/we perceive as) good ideas, wanting to discuss, debate and understand furher. Who knows?
It's just so weird to have some guy presumably half way across the world take an interest in my comments, agreement or disagreement!

just an update

Hmmm...
so after a few weeks of struggle i feel pretty much back on track; its no easy sailing, but now i get that thats what happens!! so, thesis- not exactly figured it out yet but either going to write about charlie kaufmans amazing movies in general, or just 'adaptation'. i wanna write about its effect on the audience but thats proving trickier than i expected. im hoping reception theory will rescue me, along with notions of self-reflexivity but who knows. i still have an awful bad habit of letting other interesting areas (namely photography and notions of reality) creep in to my research and take over, which is very dangerous considering the time restrictions im faced with. and studio-nothing has happened as of yet and if im honest im still far too scared to start thinking about it really. its probably going to have to wait until wednesday when the thesis draft is done, which leaves very little time before progress reviews, especially when you take into account halloween and a friends 21st, but here goes, watch and learn! (i mean from my mistakes, cause im not so amazing as to be proving anything at this point!!!)
and thats the update. dont think i have anything else really to add. oh maybe i should mention that my (very limited number of) thoughts about studio have been geared towards returning to self and identity perhaps. im not as fascinated by sight, perception anymore, and dont feel the need to pursue photography right now either. whatever happens, cross your fingers for me!

dorothy cross and then the second years

im not sure but this might become a daily thing!
and today an amazing thing happened...dorothy cross came to the college! unfortunately i spent all day waiting around for a tutorial (and in the end she never got round to me!) and i was on such a buzz I got absolutely no work done but all-in-all it was a great day. she gave a lecture and i got a general feeling about what its like to be an artist and how to work as one. that was pretty great. i learned way more but ive already forgotten what! not such a good sign.
anywho the other thing i did today was speak to the second years about research, and advice about doing the course in general. I gave them all the advice id give to my younger self, which may not be nearly as useful to them as it might have been to the younger me (god knows whether or not i would have taken it on board back then). anyway it was nice to rehash, and it helped me realise the last few years havent been as disasterous as i usually like to think. ive learned one main lesson and thats that i work slowly. its a good thing, but i can work on it...the more work i do the more there will be to look back on to critique, and possibly the sooner ill be able to do so.
not a bad day, but next time i work through the nervous, excited feeling and make MORE of the day!

the hard way to learn lessons.

unfortunately this blog ahs sort of become a place that i rant at myself, but i like the diary feel to it...not as a literary piee, but as a personal diary...it's nice to use it to recap, and to rant, and generally feel i can say whatever i want without worrying about how it is perceived (too much!).
so what do i have to say today? hmmm....well the last few hours ive started working on some issues ive been struggling with. here goes. my biggest problem recently has been that i just dont want to make art. this has been bothering me on and off for a very long time but today was a day where i admitted honestly the main reason for that probably has nothing to do with art, and more to do with the pressure of college- because i have to i dont want to, simple as. its very possible that i in fact do want to, just not under these conditions! im spiting myself. then there is the problem of what to make and although i havent resolved this or discovered a way to resolve this i feel better about it. there are options. plenty. my problem is probably that i dont want to start in case i dont like it, or it isnt 'good art' or something, but i am also aware that i just have to start making stuff. to be honest im just being lazy about hard work and hard decisions. finding stuff out and being organised. id love to just come up with ideas and have someone else follw them through. i wonder is there a gap in the market for this type of person?!!!!!!
its kind of depressing but basically i have to get off my ass and start! stop being stopped! and definitely stop waiting.
something i learned recently is that by not spending time alone you wont get anywhere...you need to stop and think every know and then, be alone with your thoughts.
that weight that had started to lift less than an hour ago is starting ot descend again at the thought that i have to make (or do) something tomorrow. i want to figure out what it is today, but maybe i shouldnt? ok...tomorrow i will spend at least 3 hours making something that relates to the skin idea i was working on before and today realised still has potential, and maybe more than i gave it credit for at the time. 3 hours isnt very long..ive wasted so many more in the last few weeks.
something else i wanted to mention here is that today i reconsidered the skin project i was working on early last year. it actually had a lot going for it. it worked with issues of identity, and captivity. the idea that the skin/flesh is a vessel. the idea that if we could choose our skin everyday the way we choose our clothes we could literally present a different personality. ideas of multiple personalities. ideas about the exposure of skin, and skin as carnal. its a kind of funny idea, choosing your own skin, halloween costume-esque. (as an after-thought, i think i also liked the casting!)
i dont know if this means i should go there again and do it better, of continue with the photography stuff, or look for something else all together. the photography project was to deal with ideas such as the camera as eye(?), the violence of the camera, image as object, the true and the false in imagery, the narrative.
what else could i look at? well id have to start with my influences- synecdoche NY has definitely been one of my strongest influences of recent-ish times. im mad about the way he deals with insanity, how things spiral out of control, contradiction, the plight of the writer, his own personal issues (presumably) and very importantly how he uses such an exaggerated, unrealistic story to reflect on reality (i guess thats the mingling of the mind[daydreams, thoughts] with reality).
think ive said enough...im loosing track of myself!

skip to the second paragraph! (blah blah blah)

As usual, I am back at square one....doing nothing and with no desire to do anything (oh, except there is the fear of not doing anything, thats probably running in my favour!!!). After three weeks of hard-work mondays and no-work every other day Im getting extremely sick of my own company. I mean I know how important it is to start working and now, doing anything at all, I as usual just dont want to! I know Im no waster for the amount of college work I produce I may as well be.
Now, one of the reasons for my spiral of depression started with a really great conversation with my tutor. She helped me work out that maybe taking photographs isnt actually what I want to do. In a way what I am doing is rejecting the authority of the photograph. And perhaps taking photographs is not the best way to do that, although Im bginning to feel that maybe it is. Like, what better way to undermine the medium than by using the medium; it lets you get to grips with is an dbegin to understand it. Perhaps what I need to do is get back into the dark room and 'get a feel' for Image-Making. Essentially that is what Im at so I guess I really should be 'making' the images myself. Yes, this idea pleases me. better go try that...just as well I have a film almost ready to be developed!