windows, reflections and images

(btw, i couldnt work out the performance so i wound up doing something very different, and in my opinion it really didnt work. that is all!)

So, my studio work has taken a turn recently. Somehow I managed to not really think about studio at all until about two weeks ago, and now its changeed quite a bit. my external examiner suggested i bring windows into the studio and project on them and stuff. at the time i really hated the idea but recently its been getting under my skin! Also, I began researching Dan Graham and Gerhard Richter and I became very interested in glass, reflections and projections. Im being very strongly influenced by the things im reading about, and finding it difficult to distinguish between influence and genuine interest.

Top: Dan Graham
Bottom: Gerhard Richter, Eight Gray

I bought a window and took some pictures of it around the courtyard. i also did some tests shots with myself behind the window (bwith the glass taken out) as if i was trying to find a way throught it, like Francesca Woodman did. I also randomly took some shots of windows from both inside and outside, juxtaposing the images with each other. Finally I tried doing a projection thing with a live stream so that the image projected was being filmed and fed back throught the projector and being recorded and refed in a continuous loop. Right now im unsure as to whether to continue any of these.

The things I thought I was thinking about were Baudrillard's ideas the representation can become more real than reality itself and the blurry area inbetween. whats real, whats not etc. the postmodern condition i guess. and also playing with ideas of reality and fiction. I was really interested in putting windows in walls so that it would appear that you could see through it but in fact youd not know if the image was an honest reflection or not. (the image would have to be a projection or a photograph, because their wouldnt really be a hole in the wall, and so the image would always be dishonest because cameras do not record visions as humans do.)

'An evening fo performance at the Loft'

Ok, so assessments, externals etc are over and done for a few more months, and recently all my attention has supposed to have been focused on fixing up my thesis, and the performance workshop we've been doing in college. However, my concentration, as usual, has been nil.

I have come up with some sort of direction for the piece Im meant to perform next Tuesday, but so far I've barely been able to convince myself to write the text. That's why I'm back here trying to work it out! So here's the idea- The piece is somewhat inspired by the movie I am writing my thesis on 'Adaptation.' and another movie 'Stranger Than Fiction'. I'm not sure exactly what I'm getting at with it stemmed from the idea that I could have a conversation with the narrator/writer of my lifes story. Now it's a one way thing. There is a voice speaking about writing my life, but it is my voice. This is where I haven't worked it out fully, and don't really know if I should. The voice is me, my writer, my god or parent, all in one. honestly I couldn't tell you how this is meant to make sense, so i guess it's an experiment. and at the moment it's an experiment that's bound to fail because I still haven't started on the text. And the text is literally all that really matters in this piece. Eek!

I honestly have no idea if this can work at all, but I really like what it's getting at. The thing is the difference between this internal person that thinks, and the external one that lives and acts. (ever tried performing and realised you forgot to perform? just went on autopilot and realised you never engaged your brain? I have. this is that. the internal me can only really think, and no matter how resolved the thoughts are, they are often ineffective in real life. if that makes any sense). Anyway so this 'voice' has some control, but it's no god. It isn't ultimate control, and it isn't all knowing. It's scared and hates responsibilty. It's uncertain and self-doubting. It's got a lot of questions, that'll never be answered. Basically it's me, and my internal mind. Maybe this all sounds ok, I don't know, but there are so many issues still. How is this internal mind linked to the external body in the physical space of the theatre? And how do I get across that this voice and body are one and the same, as the body is completely deaf to the voice (the voice is not simply the thoughts of the body, but is to some extent seperated from the body. almost like a virtual avatar body is seperated from a mind. or how a persons conception of themself is seperated from their appearance to the world). How do I stop the voice from becoming the thoughts of the body? or a god figure? or a parent figure? And how do I keep the audience engaged without losing them in confusion? And how do I keep the story element of my life without letting the writer become an author (if a writer is the person who writes, but an author is the person who is in control of the meanig of the text)? I the character of the story must still have some control. But then do external influences have any control at all? even chaotic control? How does the voice refer to the character? She, we, I? And how do I write it so that it sounds better aloud than in text? And what exactly is the voice talking about? Her fears and responsibilities I guess. Her decisions and planning. Her inadequacies, and her relationship to the character?? How muuch is too much, and what must be included? It's all rather difficult and complicated, but that's good right? Confusion is Charlie Kaufman's favourite word. I just gotta learn to use it.

Ok I better go and try to write again, so I can start working on ideas for the set, and then perhaps get some sleep!

the window images

So, the installation piece was probably the catalyst for me to start working with the windows (see earlier posts), and I have continued to work with the windows, and there is loads going on with them.
When I started the window pieces I simply took a photograph looking out through the window, cropped, resized and printed it, and the placed it back on the window pane. The important thing with these images is that when they are viewed from the correct place (ideally the place the camera captured the image from) the image correctly lines up with the view beyond the window, but only if you close one eye.

After that I did the opposite. I took a picture from the outiside looking in, and placed it on the window pane, so that from both sides the view through the pane was obscured, but was in some way revealing. That is to say that you could still see a view on the other side of the glass, but not the present moment one. It is almost like a lie, because it's truth is past.

next, I printed onto acetate, and put it on the pane, so that the viewers on either side of the space saw the same image, and maybe a little of the view beyond the image. However, since the printed image was of the inside of the room, from the inside the viewer saw a delayed reflection of the room in which they stood.
From outside, depending on the lighting, sometimes a reflection is seen on the glass, because the image is on the inside of the pane.

Also, when viewing these images it is still possible to see through the panes around the particular pane I am using, so that the image I present can be compared to the present moment beyond the image. My image appears still beside the reality beyond.

NB it is very important to note that these images are meant to be seen in context, adn not rephotographed as they are presented here.

The installation piece

Ok, because of the nature of installation I had better first explain the context of the room in shich we do installations. Its a small room near our studio, with a projector and a screen to project on, and usually chairs. Other than that the room is basically empty, but with some awkward corners and shapes.
For my piece I first thought about using photography to create a window in the space, to the outside(by quite literally taking photographs from the other side of the wall looking out, and then placing the image on the wall inside the room, where a window might be, but isnt).
My second idea was to photograph the screen itself, roll it up, and place the image of the screen on the wall that was behind it. The wall becomes the screen, and the image becomes the frame of the screen. Then, because the wall is white, it is possible to continue using the projector, but on the wall.
Instead I used the door of the room. It has a long, slim glass window in it, with a wire grid embedded in the glass. It usually has black paper blocking out the view and light both in and out of the room. I took pictures through the glass of the room with the lights on inside, and a figure could be made out sitting inside. Then I had the door locked. The idea was it looked like the presentation of the installation had already started inside. In fact, the lights were off inside and noone was in there.

At first I really wasnt at all happy with it, but I found later that as I was walking past it it always caught my attention, as it always convinced me there was something happening in the room!
What I liked most about it was that my piece replaced the black paper, being both effective and interesting.

During the presentation the most important idea that came up was the possility of employing illusion in my practice. I hadn't even realised I had started using illusory techniques, yet what is photography if its not an illusion?!!! At the time I resisted the idea of using illusion, now Im dekighted to be using it.

assessments

Ok, heres an update. As usual, more for my sake than yours.
Last week we had assessments, and tomorrow the external is coming in to assess aswell.

My new artist statement goes like this:

My practice explores photography, and the illusion of truth in photography.

I am placing photograhic representations of objects or space in place of the real object or space. By re-presenting images in the context they were taken from the meaning of the photograph, and photgraphy, is reconsidered.

I am using the frame of the window to frame the picture, as a viewfinder does, in an attempt to extend the photograph outside of its frame. In this way I am exploring the relationship between the illusion of the photograph and the reality and the truth behind it.

So im working with the window, because its incredibly interesting. Not only is the window itself quite intriguing, but Im lucky enough that this particular window looks out on windows that look into spaces that look into further spaces! I am in the process of creating a new image of one of the windows opposite my studio space. However, even though I really like these windows, and this space, I am beginning to feel anxious, like maybe I should be moving outside of the space of my studio and college, and working elsewhere. This makes me uncomfortable, but what are ya gonna do? The kinds of ideas floating around in my head are things like creating windows in walls and creating the illusion that we can see through the wall, but perhaps when we look through we see something other than whats really on the other side of the wall. I have also considered doing a time based piece, perhaps a stopmotion piece (so that it is still phographic and hasnt become video, as the connotations are different), but I am losing interest in this idea.

Unfortunately, even though I felt well prepared I felt I presented myself badly in my presentation and didnt represent my work well. Im hoping to do better tomorrow with the external, if only to prove my work to myself! My difficulty is figuring out what I can do differently!

Artist Statement 11.12.10

I am currently exploring photography. I am interested in the ability of photography to represent, re-present or replace the world we see. I am intrigued by the illusion it creates, and the illusion it reveals. I am investigating it's ability to play with our ideas of what is real or true.

Ok, so this needs a lot of work, but its a start, something to work on.
Eek! i know its not going to make the grade, Im just not sure exactly what is! Time to do some artist statement research!

some new pieces

So here are the newest pics of my newest work. They're not quite finished yet, need a bit of trimming and the like but these images give a pretty good idea of the pieces!



So I have replaced the view out the window with a past view out of the window. I actually think I prefer the one that looks transparent in places because it almost looks as though you can see right through in places. I've also inclded the pic with the image of the folders in front of the window in front of the window (hehe), but Im not sure how I feel about it yet. Im currently working on another version of that too, where the image includes more of the representation.
Once I get these cleaned up and am ready to re-photograph them Ill photograph them in different lighting and at different times of the day.
Also, be on the look out for shots of my installation which I plan to put up as soon as I put it together again (it got ripped down and lost!) and re-photograph it also.
sure tis all-go in Amyland!

trying to work out my thesis! Part 1

ok, if you plan on reading this, be prepared for some word vomit!
ok...so it's about Charlie Kaufman's movies. Its about Roland Barthes theories and Theodore Adrnos theories. And these are? In Barthes I am interested in his theories on readerly and writerly texts. he says there are 2 types of text/work; readerly is where the reader passively reads/receives the message of the author/text and writerly is where the text is more ambiguous and the reader must 'write' the text to complete the story. This way there is no solid meaning to the text as each 'writer' (not author) 'writes' the text differently. Are Kaufman's texts readerly or writerly? well they are definitely ambiguous but does everyone interpret a different story or basically the same one? Also in relation to Barthes the notion of the death of the author and the idea that the author should not be visible in the text, or else there will not be space for the reader/writer. particularly interesting in relation to Adaptation in which Charlie Kaufman literally wrote himself into the script. The main character IS Charlie Kaufman, the screenwriter.
Theodore Adorno. I am particularly interested in his theory of the culture industry. How the Inustry creates the popular culture that the audience will come to desire, not the other way around. Is Kaufman part of the industry or the culture. He certainly isnt writing main stream hollywood movies, but do his movies create a popular culture, or do they give a culture what they want to see? In relation to his theories on fun and pleasure (that true pleasure comes from being challenged and therefore we must work to enjoy ourselves, passive entertainment isnt real enjoyment) do we work for Kaufmans movies? Do we trully enjooy them. Intertextuality is also something Ive been aware of...the idea that the author doesnt exist...a text/work is simply a mesh of quotes the author has digested and regurgitated.
so a thesis should be a question or argument, and it should be coherent. What is my question/argument, and what do I have to do to write a coherent thesis?
ook, the truth? I dont know how relevant all of the above really is. I keep changing my mind about this thing. Some days I use Barthes and Adorno to investigate the relationship between the author and the viewer, and some days Im thinking about truth in art. Today, Im thinking about truth in art. Essentially I think there must be an essence of truth for me to be able to call something art, and that is why I so easily call Kaufman's movies art. The truth is so apparent in the way he constantly reuses his own life in his movies. I dont think it would be unfair to say all his lead characters are mostly made up of Charlie himself. You can see what he reads in his use of quotes. You can tell what hes thinking about bby his themes-memory, relationships, fear, identity etc. These arent just entertaining stories, they are his explorations of concepts. He is the most important element...until he gives it away to the audience. And how important are they? Really, how much can the audience ever really be involved? I actually dont think of these texts as writerly as such anymore. They are ambiguous in a different way. They dont make me feel like I am writing the text, but certainly I could never watch a Kaufman movie without self-reflecting and becoming completely consumed by the similarities between the on-screen turmoils and my own. Oh god...I need to pull a thesis out of this mess!!!
I am definitely interested in the author, the viewer, and the truth element. i need a question or argument. The truth element is essentially the same as the author, it literally is the involvement of the author's self, and not the suppression of self in order to give someone else what they (in this case production companies) what they want.
Right, am I writing about the relationship between the author and the viewer? That sounds quite interesting actually. ya know what...maybe my first problem was adamantly deciding to write about the Kaufman movies instead of realising that I should just be using them to illustrate a point. maybe not even use them at all. this is definitely a problem, but Im sure there are lots more! ugh!
the involvement of the author and viewer?
maybe i should have spent a lot more time looking at the opposite of a charlie kaufman movie, like typical hollywood blockbuster. and maybe i should have been reading books like the one about sitbackward culture and sit forward culture? so many maybes its distressing!
ok, how do I write my thesis legitimately using only Kaufman movies? i really walked myself into a corner on this one!
ok so I love his films, but thats really only good for an analysis of them. I need to think about what Im interested in. Right now I am very interested in the element of truth in art. HUGE topic, and I dont have time to go and start doing new research. I an very interested in what Adorno says about pleasure being challenging. you have to work at something to really enjoy it. And ya im definitely still interested in Barthes theories of the author, but maybe not to the same extent. maybe i should take a break from this and go through some of my notes.

Ok, maybe I should explain.

Plus, I have to write an artists statement and get my head around this stuff for Monday(it's my turn to have a group crit/installation thingy!).

Ok, so for me my new work is talking about, or at least attempting to talk about, a lot of different things. Possibly the most important thing to say first is that it is about photography. I realise I have some problems with photography and this new project considers that.
Essentially what I am doing is replacing objects or moments with a photograph (or collection of photographs) of that object or moment. I am trying to reference the ideas about photographs as documents, as memories, as memento mori, as representations and re-presentations, as art. I am uncomfortable with a lot of the roles photography performs, and am interested in what it really means to take and show a photograph, and to look at a photograph. I suppose I am trying to out photography by putting photograph back into the context they were taken from, rephotographing them, and this time putting them in the context of art, where they can be explored and their mystery unraveled. The main influences on these works without a doubt are my understandings of David Hockney's views of perception and conception in his photocollages, and my misunderstanding of Magritte's paintings as conceptual works more than surreal works.

A big question hanging over the work at the moment is how important is it to be technically accurate. Originally perfection was my intention, I just didnt realise how difficult that would be. And I really liked the first failures! But it defintely needs to be considered because different things happen in each type of image. For instance, a technically perfect image might look real. ie, not like photography, maybe with a hint that something is off. Less perfect scales and colours tend to look more visually appealing, but perhaps then the viewer is more confused by what it is I am trying to do. More experimentation is the way to resolve this.

Another issue is the content. I have to be aware that the things I photograph have meanings of their own that will naturally become relevant, and find a balance between seeking out appropriate things and photographing more bland(?) things so the content doesn't overpower the subject.

I know I have loads more to say but since nothing more is coming to my head Ill leave with this for now, and perhaps add additional comments later.
I guess the work is pretty conceptual, but it's also a lot of fun! It's becoming more and more tongue-in-cheek as I realise I can purposefully replace things incorrectly, for instance the male and female images on a bathroom door. There seems to be lots that can happen with this and for the moment I am enjoying getting carried away. There will be plenty of time for pinning it down soon enough.

I've started making things.

These are kind of like random exercises, but I like them!

woodman, magritte and existentialism save my practise???

hello hello!
Update- the thesis seems to be going grand although I somehow didnt realise Im still way behind on the reading, but Im sure Ill manage...going to try and get a draft of chapter 2 ready for wednesday (would LOVE to get it out of the way this weekend!), but it will need a lot of editing once I get more reading in!
Studio- not looking so good! Made a shoddy attempt to get my thinking back on track before my progress review, but all it proved was how unsettled I actually am. REALLY need tutorials, but completely avoiding them as I have very little to say! Also, quite worried they'd end up more like therapy time than art tutorials! Basically in my reviews they were somewhat aware of how little work I had to show, and it was mentioned that Ive been in this position of feeling like I cant make work before, more than once, and that proves I can in fact overcome it. I have before. I just need to start. The usual really. There was more, but my memory of it is very on/off.
So Ive decided to focus my research really narrowly to avoid my usual scatteredness. I am looking only at Francesca Woodman, Rene Magritte and Existentialism (not forgetting my thesis research- Roland Barthes, Theodor Adorno, and Charlie Kaufman). Today was a good day, if very late coming. Im scared to write down my thoughts in case I begin to hate them again, as that seems to be a recurring series of events with me, but here goes. Im thinking about representation and reality in a more accessible way. Literally replacing or covering 'things' in their representation. Photographic representation probably. but not necessarily realist photography. Im not really sure yet, but I really want to be able to start it very soon. I should really start tomorrow. It should be easy enough to start by photographing photographs as they cover the thing they represent, and see where that takes me. One of the starting points for this idea is the cover type thing 'they' have started placing on buildings during renovations, the ones that 'represent' or pictorialise the building in a slightly animated way. Perhaps I can start to play with these representations and start to use 'absurd' representations! fun! I will also think about using representations that arent photographic, realistic or maybe even pictorial. Uh, I could pixelate the images!!! exciting. I have obviously also started thinking about doing this with the human body. Actually paintings by magritte such as 'Philosophy in the Boudoir' also helped create the original ideas. It reminded me of what I was trying to do with the skin clothes last year, and I really liked it. last year I also tried life drawing straight onto body casts, which is also somewhat similar! Ive a lot of thinking to do yet about this in particular in relation to the body/identity ones, but hopefully Ill soon start! Whoop Whoop!
Note: The reason for existentialism is that it keeps comingup as one of my main interests, in the thesis, in Woodmans and in Magrittes, and just inlife. At its most basic I am interested in the fact that we exist at all and that is what I want to look at, and now I am! (If its not clear the reason for Magritte is because I have always been fascinated by paintings like 'The Human Condition', 'This is not a Pipe', and 'The Key of Dreams'. Also, as a surrealist he brings insights to Woodmans work, and sure did I need to say more after 'the human condition'!

Philosophy Forum

Wow...today has been a series of strange experiences in an ordinary day!
Somehow today i stumbled across a philosophy forum, and decided to join in order to be able to read everything etc. Somehow though I felt it necessary to comment on a post that claimed art is useless and unimportant. And my comment got a response. It feels very strange to openly, in front of a world of philosophy enthuasiasts to be having a conversation about anything, least of all what feel like a conversation oof my ideas. At first it felt great, jamalrobreplied argeeing with sone of what I had said, and also raising some issues I had not considered in my argument. I agreed with him on my mistakes, and short of one last, slightly thought through point I decided to leave it there. However, he did reply again. Part of this was a quote from Oscar Wilde, a lot of which I disagreed with. This is where I really began to feel the strange situation I had gotten myself into. I almost continued to disagree with Oscar Wilde online in front of a community of philosophy enthuasiasts! What was I thinking! I was so far out of my depth it was incredible. Yet I really wanted to humbly put forward my points along with a discreditor acknowledging my own lack of education. ?!?!?!?!
Somehow I went to wondering if I had started to become part of a community and could have my opinions heard and respected (I know this is ridiculous considering my lack of knowledge of philosophy), to feeling completely out of my depth, yet there is always the possibility that any number of the other users are on a similar level to me, beginners with (what they/we perceive as) good ideas, wanting to discuss, debate and understand furher. Who knows?
It's just so weird to have some guy presumably half way across the world take an interest in my comments, agreement or disagreement!

just an update

Hmmm...
so after a few weeks of struggle i feel pretty much back on track; its no easy sailing, but now i get that thats what happens!! so, thesis- not exactly figured it out yet but either going to write about charlie kaufmans amazing movies in general, or just 'adaptation'. i wanna write about its effect on the audience but thats proving trickier than i expected. im hoping reception theory will rescue me, along with notions of self-reflexivity but who knows. i still have an awful bad habit of letting other interesting areas (namely photography and notions of reality) creep in to my research and take over, which is very dangerous considering the time restrictions im faced with. and studio-nothing has happened as of yet and if im honest im still far too scared to start thinking about it really. its probably going to have to wait until wednesday when the thesis draft is done, which leaves very little time before progress reviews, especially when you take into account halloween and a friends 21st, but here goes, watch and learn! (i mean from my mistakes, cause im not so amazing as to be proving anything at this point!!!)
and thats the update. dont think i have anything else really to add. oh maybe i should mention that my (very limited number of) thoughts about studio have been geared towards returning to self and identity perhaps. im not as fascinated by sight, perception anymore, and dont feel the need to pursue photography right now either. whatever happens, cross your fingers for me!

dorothy cross and then the second years

im not sure but this might become a daily thing!
and today an amazing thing happened...dorothy cross came to the college! unfortunately i spent all day waiting around for a tutorial (and in the end she never got round to me!) and i was on such a buzz I got absolutely no work done but all-in-all it was a great day. she gave a lecture and i got a general feeling about what its like to be an artist and how to work as one. that was pretty great. i learned way more but ive already forgotten what! not such a good sign.
anywho the other thing i did today was speak to the second years about research, and advice about doing the course in general. I gave them all the advice id give to my younger self, which may not be nearly as useful to them as it might have been to the younger me (god knows whether or not i would have taken it on board back then). anyway it was nice to rehash, and it helped me realise the last few years havent been as disasterous as i usually like to think. ive learned one main lesson and thats that i work slowly. its a good thing, but i can work on it...the more work i do the more there will be to look back on to critique, and possibly the sooner ill be able to do so.
not a bad day, but next time i work through the nervous, excited feeling and make MORE of the day!

the hard way to learn lessons.

unfortunately this blog ahs sort of become a place that i rant at myself, but i like the diary feel to it...not as a literary piee, but as a personal diary...it's nice to use it to recap, and to rant, and generally feel i can say whatever i want without worrying about how it is perceived (too much!).
so what do i have to say today? hmmm....well the last few hours ive started working on some issues ive been struggling with. here goes. my biggest problem recently has been that i just dont want to make art. this has been bothering me on and off for a very long time but today was a day where i admitted honestly the main reason for that probably has nothing to do with art, and more to do with the pressure of college- because i have to i dont want to, simple as. its very possible that i in fact do want to, just not under these conditions! im spiting myself. then there is the problem of what to make and although i havent resolved this or discovered a way to resolve this i feel better about it. there are options. plenty. my problem is probably that i dont want to start in case i dont like it, or it isnt 'good art' or something, but i am also aware that i just have to start making stuff. to be honest im just being lazy about hard work and hard decisions. finding stuff out and being organised. id love to just come up with ideas and have someone else follw them through. i wonder is there a gap in the market for this type of person?!!!!!!
its kind of depressing but basically i have to get off my ass and start! stop being stopped! and definitely stop waiting.
something i learned recently is that by not spending time alone you wont get anywhere...you need to stop and think every know and then, be alone with your thoughts.
that weight that had started to lift less than an hour ago is starting ot descend again at the thought that i have to make (or do) something tomorrow. i want to figure out what it is today, but maybe i shouldnt? ok...tomorrow i will spend at least 3 hours making something that relates to the skin idea i was working on before and today realised still has potential, and maybe more than i gave it credit for at the time. 3 hours isnt very long..ive wasted so many more in the last few weeks.
something else i wanted to mention here is that today i reconsidered the skin project i was working on early last year. it actually had a lot going for it. it worked with issues of identity, and captivity. the idea that the skin/flesh is a vessel. the idea that if we could choose our skin everyday the way we choose our clothes we could literally present a different personality. ideas of multiple personalities. ideas about the exposure of skin, and skin as carnal. its a kind of funny idea, choosing your own skin, halloween costume-esque. (as an after-thought, i think i also liked the casting!)
i dont know if this means i should go there again and do it better, of continue with the photography stuff, or look for something else all together. the photography project was to deal with ideas such as the camera as eye(?), the violence of the camera, image as object, the true and the false in imagery, the narrative.
what else could i look at? well id have to start with my influences- synecdoche NY has definitely been one of my strongest influences of recent-ish times. im mad about the way he deals with insanity, how things spiral out of control, contradiction, the plight of the writer, his own personal issues (presumably) and very importantly how he uses such an exaggerated, unrealistic story to reflect on reality (i guess thats the mingling of the mind[daydreams, thoughts] with reality).
think ive said enough...im loosing track of myself!

skip to the second paragraph! (blah blah blah)

As usual, I am back at square one....doing nothing and with no desire to do anything (oh, except there is the fear of not doing anything, thats probably running in my favour!!!). After three weeks of hard-work mondays and no-work every other day Im getting extremely sick of my own company. I mean I know how important it is to start working and now, doing anything at all, I as usual just dont want to! I know Im no waster for the amount of college work I produce I may as well be.
Now, one of the reasons for my spiral of depression started with a really great conversation with my tutor. She helped me work out that maybe taking photographs isnt actually what I want to do. In a way what I am doing is rejecting the authority of the photograph. And perhaps taking photographs is not the best way to do that, although Im bginning to feel that maybe it is. Like, what better way to undermine the medium than by using the medium; it lets you get to grips with is an dbegin to understand it. Perhaps what I need to do is get back into the dark room and 'get a feel' for Image-Making. Essentially that is what Im at so I guess I really should be 'making' the images myself. Yes, this idea pleases me. better go try that...just as well I have a film almost ready to be developed!

4th YEAR!!!

So it's been way too long!
My severe lack of internet access this summer has been , well, annoying! But also freeing methinks!
So now Im back and ready to roll again! Here's the catch-up...
Over the summer I spent time thinking about and reading about seeing. Since 'ways of seeing' it has been something I find incredibly interesting, but David Hockney is now the new master of it in my eyes (!). For me it is all related to my previous ideas on reality and fiction, and especially to my interest in photography, and even film. How we se what we see and why.
Ah, Im almost boring myself today so I'll leave with this...I plan to continue taking lots and lots of analogue pictures, and to start sketching from my pictures (hopefully by observing them so closely I can learn more from them about my intentions!

New work

And here they are. This is a selection of the pistures I've taken recently.I still haven't decided which ones I like or don't like or why, although I do think that since I've startde taking them with more purpose they've also started to feel a lot more constructed, and I don't think I like that about them. Not quite sure how I'm going to free them up from that but I'm certainly going to keep trying.

Also I think I'd really like to take a series of portraits of people with their eyes closed...any volunteers??I'll let ya know how that goes!!

old work new

So Ive started something new, and I quite like it! A tutor pointed out to me that these images look almost like film stills. Sort of as if there is a narrative there that isn't being given to the audience; It makes them kind of intriguing! Anyway, I began to agree and liked where it was going so the new plan is to take more and more pictures like this. The way Ive been thinking about it is the more ambiguous the better, without becoming just plain strange. As I take more and more pictures hopefully I will begin to understand what Im looking for better. Ive made a few attempts already, but Im not sure how I feel about them yet, so Ill post them at a later date!

chocolate

Guess what...Don't know what im doing...AGAIN!
Been looking through my research and my work trying to decide where to focus my attentions, and the same things do reoccur regularly- self and portraiture, barriers or concealment, photography and mirros. However I feel like these ar eall such Ideas. That sounds stupid but what I mean is I don't want to be a conceptual artist. Sure I want ideas in my work, but I don't want it to be about an idea/ideas. I want it to be more writerly than readerly. (sorry, I've begun reading Barthes!). Yet when it comes to making art and thinking about making art all I can do is think about what ideas to out into a piece and how to put them in to best effect. Annoying! So what do you do to avoid oing that? Usual story, just MAKE! stop thinking! and how do I do that?well if I knew!
Chocolate. Thats the answer to every question. Check ya later!