Sunday, April 12, 2009

Life and Confusion

I accidently spent the last half hour looking at quotes about 'life'. Its dangerous, dont do it. Its made me aware of my confusion. The things I believe and the things I hope for conflict. I believe in no regrets, everything is good, in the future looking back because we learn from everything. But everything is good then life is too easy. If I was able to commit myself to this idea I would be passive. The quote I was trying to find goes like this:
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a common place thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.....

So what to think? Dont think. feel. life happens, its ambiguous, uncontrollable, powerful and affecting. Its amazing and beautiful, its soft and shy, its easy to miss. Its spectacular. But I miss it. I think about it, instead of experiencing it. I dont want to be self indulgent here, but I want to understand, to correct, yet what I understand is its ambiguous, outside of my intelligence, it feels outside of my reach. How do I learn to appreciate it? in my logic, risk loosing it. fear. Fear is untouchable. Its life touching me, grabbing me and putting me in a place outside of my control, outside of my intelligence. Its life and its powerful and its how I feel. I forget that its good. And thats good. Its not a thought. Thus, my attempts at perfection are fruitless always, because hey are attempts, decisions, not a natural progression. what do I do? nothing? will that leave me back where I am or will my decision not to change anything change everything? Is it all invalid now because I hsve considered it? Now you see my difficulty. Life confuses me. Life, it just happens. Relax and let it. ?

1 comment:

  1. And tell me where exactly do you see that quote from time to time? :)
    Glad it stuck in your head!