what to do.....

Serious lull in my art activities recently!!! why is it when I get praised I stop working???? anyway...not really sure if Im going to continue with this body stuff..giving it one last chance!! moved back towards thinking about the body and skin as a cover, as oppossed to thinking about the confessional aspect of the body, the reveal/conceal thoughts I was having. Totally not sure what I want to do. Im having difficulty starting anything that isnt a finished idea. To be honest thats what Ive always had trouble at. Id love to be able to just explore something without thinking about a piece, but it's not worked so far!!! hmmm...what to do what to do...

now..

After a great tutorial yesterday I'm nearly ready to start doing something again! I'm planning to work on concealing or hiding the naked figure. It's there but you can't see it, sort of thing. The seen and the unseen. I'm not sure whats going to come out of it, but I'm excited by it! YAY!!!!!

Casts

My most recent casts.

Some of my work, documented at last!

New Post

Oops just clicked new post by an accident...guess I should write something now!!!

Ah yes...Synechdoche NY is an AMAZING movie!!!!!! watched it last night not knowing anything at all about it and it's just incredible! Blew my mind! didn't know what to say for about 5minutes!!!
Everybody should watch it!

The Clock

This should have gone up ages ago!!! I made it aboout a year ago so the quality is rubbish! turn up your sound so you can hear the ticks!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO10vqf3jkQ

Old Sketch Books

I was looking through my old sketch books today and found this. It's the first page for the first project we did when we got into sculpture. It was a self-portrait project and I just find it really interesting that the next word I wrote down was appearance. I wonder would other people have put down something similar?! More interesting to me is that the arrow from that says "how important?". The finished piece was a sound piece and it has actually been in my thoughts a lot recently in relation to my current project second skin. The aim of that piece was to give the audience an impression of me as a person, without them ever seeing me, or being able to recognise me physically. I'm not sure exactly what the relations are between the old sound piece and my work now. I think in ways I am doing the opposite now. I am working directly from my physical appearance, but not giving a direct view of it. Also I am exploring the connections and seperations between my physical self and my Self. Finally I'm interested in Identity as an idea, a theory, more so than as a reality.

Second Skin

Looks like someone else had a similiar idea to me!!!! I've been thinking about the idea of a 'second skin', and making clothing to be that 'second skin': literally skin clothes...and here is Oliver Goulet's version.

Personally I'm not mad about his versions...for one I think the fabric still needs a lot of work if it's to look properly human, but also I intend to shape it completely differently.

Although it seems some interesting things have been made using his fabric

Yes Man

Danny Wallace's Yes Man is possibly one of the best books Ive read in ages ( and not just because I haven't finished most of the books I've started recently!!!)
Simply, it was inspiring. Maybe I shouldn't have to read a book to learn to be more positive but it certainly helped. I'm looking forward to JUST SAYING YES!!!!!!!!

ps I've hear d the movie's no great...and the trailer barely resembles the book!

...

"fucking amazing, life happened"
Couldnt put it better myself....Norway was great!!

Im working on...

Since starting college again Ive started making masks of my own face. Im not quite sure where Im going with it but Im very interested in the idea of 'my skin', and the relationship I have with 'my skin'. This piece, by Marc Quinn, kind of epitommises what Im trying to explain...but hopefully Ill come up with something completely different!!!

Im also intereted in wallpaper or making wallpaper for some reason and came across this... I really like it!!! The artists name is Ariana Page Russell!

Self portraiture

This is a photo I took during the summer. Its kind of been the basis for the way Ive been thinking ever since. Along with my ideas that the best reason to make art is for yourself and noone else, and that the kind of art I wanted to make was honest. So I moved on towards portraiture. Now it scares me too much and Im backtracking. In some ways Id love to continue just because it scares me....would be good to get through that fear, but in another Im just not going to risk it. My new plan is to just make work and see what happens (which is sort of the original idea anyway!). So I guess whats important is to make sure Im making work, and developing it. SO here goes!

Jin Young Yu

I recently discovered this Korean artist called Jin Young Yu! her work is fantastic! Im interested in her work because of her use of masks, but also her use of the full body. I love the wallpaper too!!!

Francesca Woodman

In edinburgh I stumbled upon Woodmans work in The Artists Rooms Exhibition. Unfortunately the internet doesnt do them justice!

The Fear

Im really disappointed in myself today as once again i seem to feel lost in what i might be doing in my work. Im diappointed because for a while id really been beginning to feel like i was actually going somewhere for the first time in quite a while! Tomorrow morning I have to meet my tutor...think this is probably the catalyst- I once again face scrutinty and have to explain myself as an artist. Id rather keep it all in my head or in my room where only I ever have to know about it.
Regardless, I still face the question of what exactly I turn up with tomorrow. All I know for sure is my work is about me. My identity and hidden identity. discovery. I guess I hope that my work will explain it better, but that requires me to actually make it. And then theres the fear that it'll explain me better than I can ever understand.

well this is meant to be an art blog so heres where im at with art. Over the summer I became very cinical about art. I saw very little art i liked. I culdnt remember what it was about art that i liked. I felt like i was beginning to see throught he commerciality of art and behind it there was nothing left. I now have a renewed, if fragile, fate, and a new outlook. Art for the artist. Not for anyone else. Its what I always believed but never had the courage to follow. Before college ended for the summer I became intrigued by Tracey Emin, her honesty, strength, vulnerability and power. Marina Abramovic has always been my favourite artist, probably because she possesses the same qualities. Their works reflects that, without necessarily dealing with it. What I mean is its not the themes or type of work that matters, its the artist that made it. art made for the artist must surely reflect the artist honestly. I guess these are the types of artists/people i identify with or admire maybe. my mission is to make art for me, not art for exhibition or sale. If its good, perhaps it will lend itself to that anyway, or perhaps good art doesnt lend itself to that, which is an idea i like even better!!!!

existentialism, my new interest!!

Ive recently started reading about existensial philosophies and have decided its about time I straightened out my ideas on it...so be prepared for some ramblings, hopefully with some sort of conclusion!
I like their ideas about the absurdity of life...life IS totally unpredictable, and I do like the idea of embracing that and taking life as it comes, not setting plans icn concrete but being adaptable and open!
I agree with their ideas of the death of god, as far as i understanf it. I have an idea that from whenever til the industrial revolution ish, god was almighty. Then 'god' (in all the broadest terms) began to take a back seat to technology. In effect im inclined to think that technology became our new god, a new way to understand the world. But i also think that we are beginning to move into a new era where even science cant provide all the answers, as it seems to create so many monsters (thinking specifically of the environmantal and health problems we seem to have produced-ozone problems and superbugs).
Anyway there are lots of things i like about existentialism, the only thing that I still question is way that it seems to push me towards the idea that nothing really matters. Existentialism incorporates ideas of meaninglessness, and although all existenialists have different ideas I have yet to hear a good way to help us understand death, and therefore the meaning of life! I have a lot more reading to do before i can begin to understand existentialism properly(its a bit like trying to understand postmodernism!) so maybe ill come back and finish this comment later!!!

A new question

following on from my last post 'the elusive question'(!) I have a new one...How do we seperate good art from bad, or rather how should we?
For anyone whos interested, theres some excellent replies to the elusive question that id reccommend reading!

the elusive question

Why do we make art?????
If anyone has a good answer comment me!!
some of you guys surely do!!!!!

identity

identity....mine?

Boogie Woogie

Boogie Woogie is a book and now a film. I dont quite know how to describe it. In some ways its maybe a satire of the world of art, or maybe just an exploration of it, but ridiculised. I saw it at Edinburgh film festival and it really got me thinking about our relationship to art, as artists, buyers, dealers, outsiders, whatever; and where it features in our list of priorities. What is art to me?? its definitely not something to buy and sell, its something for eveyone. It should be a part of life, a constant source of inspiration and debate. I think everyone should be an artist, and live with art, not just in their homes but in their lives. this is what i think.

just thoughts...

As usual my thoughts are all over the place!! Im thinking about doing things but not doing anything! I wanted to put little green men like the ones on pedestrian lights around the city as a way to say GO ahead and do it to the public sort of. Now Im thinking about wheatpasting a footprint on the ground somewhere on my route to work, perhaps adding a new one on top every evening til i leave, but i dont think ill really do it. oh and what I am atually going to do is leave those pics from mine and eilishs collaborative conversation piece in a cafe called forest here in edinburgh if theyll have them! Or mybe at Out of the Blue in Leith! we'll see!
Im also starting to work on a series of images like my profile pic. basiclly self portraits in my bedroom door handle cos i really like them!

some of my thoughts earlier this year

what i think about art

These are pics from the last project I did before college ended. It was inspired by Christos umbrella project, which i love because its beautiful and dramatic, and its outside and connecting with the world. I didnt know what this was, it was my attempt at just doing something and figuring it out afterwards. I really wanted to start working with the city, the involvement with the public, but I like to do it from an anonymous point of view. I like not being there. I guess to me the artist is only ever present in spirit or something. Theyre in the work, not the space. not physically there i guess. The myth of the artist and all that, if the artist is there its their work, you understand it as they do, not as you could.
Anyway, Im putting this up because it is the first step in the direction of the kind of stuff i want to be doing. i want to be doing stuff in the city, relatively anonymously. i think.!!! Like the piles of flour, i want to make stuff that make people think and question, but come to their own conclusions. It really didnt give us anything but time and space. Thats why it was amazing. Maybe ill do something like that in limerick. The only thing is can i call it art? can i get graded on it? personally i dont mind if it doesnt get called art, its life, its important, and its not the label i give it that matters. Im just realising I dont want to be a gallery type artist. I read a really interesting article the other day in a free magazine that replied to a comment (made by marcel duchamp i think) that said the best artists will go underground. it makes sense, art shouldnt be done for money, in my opinion, its that fluxus idea that art is life and life is art and thats the vibe i love and get in edinburgh and berlin. Art is everywhere and everyones making it. the best stuff is the stuff thats available to everyone.

My Headspace

I just remembered this...Its a really quick video I made to try and describe my headspace.....scattered, always, no matter what I try...and probably better off that way!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwLHS70WQTg&feature=channel_page

Conversation Piece

This is a piece me and Eilish Tuite did toghether. Theres about 14 images, this is just a selection of my favourites. Im still hoping one day this will become a video piece!

ive been thinking

Its been far too long. Im in edinburgh nearly a monbth now. I was meant to be doing a piece of art every day of the whole summer and it hasnt happened. disappointed. But I have been thinking about art a lot. theres so much to put down here. yesterday me and sinead spent 3hours following arrows drawn in flour and little piles of flour round edinburgh city wondering where it led, who did it and why???????? it was a circle. after three hours we were back where we started! pain in the arse. it must have been an artists work!!!! still, id do it again. it was a whole range of emotions, a whole variety of views of the city and it made me think. the other thing thats in my mind is a film i saw called boogie woogie. iots about the art world. its a completely exaggerated version of the art world and its characters but its made me think about our relationship to art, our obsession with it, and perhaps life without it. It shows the collectors, dealers, artists, friends of artists...making choices between art and family or friends, and art as a business as oppossed to an art. its reall made me wonder about art in my life, where does it fit in?? its a big topic!!

Self-Criticism

This is a piece I did twice. it's basically that I've written on my face the things I say to myself trying to cop myself on. The stuff that bugs me about myself. It needs to be flipped around because it's a mirror image at the mo. And It needs something, like better lighting or camera, or clearer writting, im not sure!

TETRIS

The exhibition opens in 3 nights time!!!!!!! Should be a good night!!!!!

Personality

Personality is defined as the enduring personal characteristics of individuals

Scribble drawings in stitches!

Im going to write this down quickly in case I forget.....I want to make some of my scribble drawings on canvas by stitching it in!!!!

The Beauty of being a genius

Genius = To Give Birth
We are all geniuses!

Games I used to Play

Tip-the-can (40-40)
Climbing (walls, trees, doorframes, playground equipment, anything)
Schools
Tea parties
Fancy Dress
Puzzles
Baby Doll
Forts(Build a fort and play in it all day)
Gymnastics
Hide and Seek in the Dark
Blind Mans Buff
Board Games (Ludo, Dreamphone, Snakes and Ladders, Chess, Draughts, Bop it)
Dares
Food Castles
Diggin in the sand
Cops and Robbers
Red Rover
Tennis-ish games
Card games (Rummy, Spit, Race Cars, Solitaire, Kemps, Whist, 21, Poker)
Dance Routines, Climbing routines
baking
Pingpong Balls
Marbles
Pick up stix
Jacks!
Polly Pockets
Tomogotches
Twister
Connect 4
Downfall
Whos who?
Scrabble

"Play: Activity that is not required, but is enjoyed."

i just found this website page that explains exactly what Ive ben getting at.
I dont have time right ow to rereasd through it, but the gist Im getting from it is that play is how kids develop, learn and express themselves. Im not sure if this is great or terrible from my point of view but Im hoping to make the most of this new info. It explains the importance of play, and the different ways we play at different stages. Im not sure how to interpret it for adults but I plan to continue to look into it more. That will probably direct me where I want to go next.

Life and Confusion

I accidently spent the last half hour looking at quotes about 'life'. Its dangerous, dont do it. Its made me aware of my confusion. The things I believe and the things I hope for conflict. I believe in no regrets, everything is good, in the future looking back because we learn from everything. But everything is good then life is too easy. If I was able to commit myself to this idea I would be passive. The quote I was trying to find goes like this:

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a common place thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.....

So what to think? Dont think. feel. life happens, its ambiguous, uncontrollable, powerful and affecting. Its amazing and beautiful, its soft and shy, its easy to miss. Its spectacular. But I miss it. I think about it, instead of experiencing it. I dont want to be self indulgent here, but I want to understand, to correct, yet what I understand is its ambiguous, outside of my intelligence, it feels outside of my reach. How do I learn to appreciate it? in my logic, risk loosing it. fear. Fear is untouchable. Its life touching me, grabbing me and putting me in a place outside of my control, outside of my intelligence. Its life and its powerful and its how I feel. I forget that its good. And thats good. Its not a thought. Thus, my attempts at perfection are fruitless always, because hey are attempts, decisions, not a natural progression. what do I do? nothing? will that leave me back where I am or will my decision not to change anything change everything? Is it all invalid now because I hsve considered it? Now you see my difficulty. Life confuses me. Life, it just happens. Relax and let it. ?

words of wisdom from somewhere unknown

When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad. Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other. Therefore the Master acts without doing anything and teaches without saying anything. Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. She has but doesn't possess, acts but doesn't expect. When her work is done, she forgets it. That is why it lasts forever

Just do it

Decisions

Right, decisions need to be made. I need to decide what it is I am working on for the exhibition.Theres two thoughts in my head at the moment.....The scribbles I do are still one of my favourite things Ive done this year, and I want to do more with them. The other thought is this: The topics Ive been tackling are too big and wide, Id like to simplify it to maybe, aimlessness. Maybe take me out of it, and all the other connotations Ive been working on. Just portray seemingly aimless activities and see where I get!!!!!!!!

Painted Scribbles

As part of my course I have to do a painting elective, last night I attempted to "paint" my scribbles!!!!!
Im not sure I like how they look, or if Ill ever be able to call them paintings, but I like that they are definitely personal to me...nobody else could ever make them, but I also think I like how my eye mves across the fabric from one colour/image to the next.

Artist Statement

Oh...I did a sort of piece today. As soon as I get it edited Ill put it up because its 30mins long at the mo!!!! Its an aimless act...drawing boxes, then either putting ticks or Xs in each one. I like bits of it. Before I made it I hoped it would be the case that while watching it the audience would predict their way to fill each box, and begin to see themselves as different to me, but that doesnt come across. I am interested in the use of positive and negative in it, in relation to my criticism of myself and popular opinion of me as the happiest person ever, but again, I dont see it as a good piece of art. I might film it again with a better camera angle. Here are some pics I took of the paper after.

Where do I go now?

Is there any such thing as spontaneous or aimless??? I mean sure ideas can come suddenly, but personally I rarely do it immediately, I PLAN to do it someday. Aimless is "without a purpose". Even with scribbling I do it for a reason. Or do I? I guess I just do it because I want to. I know thats a good enough reason, but what good is it to anyone else? what good is it as art?
Carsten Hollers slides are amazing to me because they achieve what I was trying to achieve by giving the public crayons and paper.....a moment of fun, out of the ordinary, a moment for yourself. How can I develop on that? I keep thinking the difference between mine and his is that mine required audience participation, but so did his. A leap of faith in themselves? but so did his. AND these are aspects of art that Id like to bring to the audience. Perhaps I just dont trust them to take that leap and give themselves up to become the art. I should leave that up to each individual. So how can I do something similar???
This means that Im looking at doing an interactive piece. I like it but I do feel like theres not enough art in that for me. I need an object to call the art, perhaps something that Ive made. Could I change it up again and switch it back to video, showing me doing fun stuff like scribbling, sliding, cartwheeling, climbing trees, etc?? Im worried that that would have me looking like a crazy person again like in the Kid Project series of pictures. Hmm.
I like the idea of me looking like a crazy person, but im worried it would be off putting rather than appealling. But maybe theres a project here and I can just start it!!!!!
Thabnks for listening!

My Fears Today

So today I went to shoot the footage of me Crazy Dancing. I was terrified of doing it in front of people and also quite uncomfortable doing it alone!! I really wasnt happy with myself about that for a simple reason...Its been pointed out to me that some of my favourite artists are the ones like Marina Abramovic who put themselves in extreme situations and overcome them. I admire that and struggle is good, but I came close to chickening out! Guess Im delighted that I didnt (Thanks Luke!!!).
Anyway, after the first few seconds I didnt like it! Big mistake that I brought no music, but besides that I just really feel that it doeant fit my own brief set out in my artists statement . It feels like it disproves the ideas. But I do see possibilities in it for a piece outside of my expectations so we continued filming in different places around teh college until the battery died! Now I have technical problems....I cant get the footage onto a computer because Im missing cables, and Ive no charger so thats also a problem. The question of where to go now is difficult to answer. I havent even seen most of the footage. (mental note: technical issues always set you back days, allow for this).
Im reconsidering doing this piece at all for the exhibition but if I can Im gonna get it finished on time anyway, but Id rather like to be working on something I have more personal interest in, although I am scared that my in work I often end up deciding Ive disproved my own theory. Maybe the best thing I can do is use the piece anyway, and let people draw their own conclusions.

Me V me

Theres a few more ideas running through my head that I seem to want to get down here too.
Im really interested in comparisons. It occured to me at the weekend that they are very important to my project. I am intent on changing myself to become more the person I want to be, but amnt sure how much of me CAN be changed. This is where the issue of the Core Self becomes huge. How much of me is the way I am and efforts to change it would be futile, and how much of me is a creature of habit? Im interested in comparing the person I am now and the person I am trying to become, having learned from my experiences. I dont yet know how Im going to do that.

Where Im at Now

So at the moment me and my classmates are working towards an exhibition of sculpture and combined media which you can check out at http://www.makeanddospciety.blogspot.com/
Anyway, the point is that that is putting pressure on me to come up with a finished piece in 2 and a half weeks!!!!!!!!! ya im basically screwed! Ive decided to do a video piece and the plan is its going to be based on the crazy dancing technique i mentioned earlier. To explain im going to quote my own artists statement!

I am interested in the idea that everyone has a Core Self and that we build on this Self through our experiences. I am exploring the ways My Self is revealed through spontaneous and seemingly aimless activities.

The idea of the Core Self is quite hard for me to explain but its the idea that we each have a core personality that IS who we are. Its been there since the day we were borna nd will be there until the day we die. Everything else in our characters is variable and changes during and after experiences or events. Its my opinion that the best way to reveal these 'original' characteristics is through 'spontaneous and seemingly aimless activities', that is, the things you do without thinking, the things you like just because you like them, the places you go when youve nowhere to go.

I have to admit theres a flaw in my plan. Crazy Dancing is something slightly different for me...its a release from everyday life, but its not something I do spontaneously. well, the decision to do it is rarely spontaneous but the movements are. like scribbling, it cant be done right or wrong, it can only be done Your way. My plan for the exhibition is to video myself doing crazy dancing in the places that I go to when ive no where else to be and work with the footage.

Im inclined to say "fingers crossed it will actually work" but what I mean is "It may be difficult to make it work but I know I can do it."

Word Associations

hello rugby seven yes no maybe hi perhaps dunno down now ys happy seven ok no hello goodbye yes teeth black good fright jumper

The Present

So that brings me roughly up to date, with lots left out!!!!!!! Gosh that was tough going! I really enjoyed it but thats a lot of reading for anyone!!!!!!!!!! However I will not apologise, Ive done it perfectly for me, if you dont wanna read it its so ok with me....I know I wouldnt!!!!!!:)

Now...do I continue with the "left out" or give it up for the moment???? I dunno!

Actually I probably should point out how important drawing has become!!!! My life drawing classes have turned into scribbling intellectually (Ooops!) and also I am working on a drawing collabration with two friends!

Think its time to finish up for the morning!!!!!:)

Mistakes

I miss making mistakes

The Sketch Books and Wire Sculptures

So then I just forgot completely about all of that and thought I had nothing to work with but these abstract doodles I do in front of the TV!

And then I wanted to make something 3D so I used dome old wire to sort of create them like the "drawings in Space" idea from a few posts back!

But I didnt really like doing these that much so I stopped.

I didnt even notice immediately the obvious relation to the scribbles and "drawing in Space" idea! Oops!

So I see something emerging quite clearly here. I jump from idea to idea, not realising that theyre all the same idea. Somewhere deep down I keep directing myself towards the same stuff. Its obvious what concepts I want to work with and that suit me. The hard part is working with them.